People often ask me how I have time for social media, and the truth is I don't. I make the time. 

Of course when I started using social media, I had nothing but time. Message boards on TheKnot helped me plan a long-distance wedding. TheNest kept me sane while on maternity leave with my first (very colicky) baby. And when life slowed down again during my second maternity leave, I went back to social media like an ex-girlfriend tipsy on champagne. By then there were blogs to read, tweets to scan, Facebook statuses to check and LinkedIn profiles to review. I was up every two hours to feed my son and grateful for the pleasant distraction.

When I returned to work, I decided to integrate social media into an already busy lifestyle. The goal of this post is not to convince you that social media is important. Frankly, I haven’t had enough coffee this morning for that conversation. But I do want to share the four management lessons that help me stay focused and effective.

1. Decide what kind of impression you want to make: Kate Winslet or Bjork?

The first essential question is, “What do I want to accomplish?” While this question may seem basic, even cliché, the answer is a filter for the noise. Goals guide actions and help us locate a signal that matters. So take a moment to define your goals before using social media. Whether it’s to better understand customer needs, develop relationships with mentors or create community among colleagues—clear goals inform day-to-day choices and make your time on social media more effective.

2. A new stylist could make all the difference

There’s an old expression that if you keep doing what you’ve always done, then you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. In fact, a recent study showed that 90% of people who divorce end up remarrying, and 60% of them end up in a second divorce. Sometimes the problem isn’t the other person or timing or a bad economy. Sometimes the problem is us.

Celebrities prepare for the red carpet by pushing the boundaries of what’s acceptable with new designers, dresses, hair and makeup. So whatever you’re doing, STOP. Whatever you’re doing, RETHINK. Then replace three old habits with three new ones. I received this advice from Fred Wilson at ERE’s Social Recruiting Summit, and I’m passing it along as a sensible way to make room for social media.

3. Plan a fabulous debut

Just as savvy starlets play to the paparazzi on their way down the red carpet, you can plan a meaningful social media debut with the right organizational tools. Here are some of my favorites:

Google Reader is an online newsreader that aggregates all your RSS feeds into a single stream so that you can access favorite blog, website and newsletter content from any web browser or mobile device.

TweetDeck describes itself as a simple and fast way to experience Twitter, and it delivers by showing everything--direct messages, mentions, all friends--in an organized column format. TweetDeck also allows you to create custom columns (public or private) for different groups of interest to you: marketing pros, media reps, clients, and more. 

UberTwitter gives your mobile device complete Twitter functionality, so you can write updates, view profiles, and reply to others even when away from the computer.

4. Strut down the red carpet with confidence and personality

It is certainly acceptable, even recommended, to just listen and observe at first. But eventually you should participate in the conversation. You wouldn’t get dressed up for the Oscars and skip the red carpet, would you? Social media is no different.

Share articles of interest. Comment on thought-provoking blogs. Start conversations with interesting people. Of course, you are creating a permanent and public record so use common sense, understand your privacy settings and know your potential audience. Then just be yourself and have fun.

Conclusion

The volume of information at our fingertips is only going to increase in the coming years. Already, new location-sharing sites like FourSquare are gaining popularity and Google launched a new site called GoogleBuzz. So our generation’s challenge is also our greatest opportunity: to use technology to lead more (not less) connected and fulfilling lives.

My personal blog helps my parents stay connected with grandchildren who live in a different state. Facebook interactions keep me connected with friends and colleagues. And Twitter keeps me connected with important news and industry contacts.

Social media is not all that new. It’s just online. And it’s not a science but an art. There is no specific number of tweets per day or hours per week that will net success. But the steps above should help balance and focus your social media efforts toward your unique definition of success.